New Old Sentiments

I've been a wanderer all my life, taking things as they come, and staring at them as they go. I believe I was lucky to have managed this far. Providence has ensured that I survive this path to this day, and littered along the road numerous people and opportunities that have lent me helping hands during trying times, and led me here. I haven't always thanked Providence though. I have tried to fight for things I thought I loved but which were denied to me. From each failure it became evident that there is no point fighting against life. There is only one choice and I have to choose it well: the choice to accept.

I see now that no matter how trying times are or how difficult things may seem to be, there is always a grand plan in the making, a grand plan that escapes our eyes while we remain absorbed in the trivialities of life and the heart wrenching moments they bring. There are abysses of depths beyond imagination; there are mountains of insurmountable heights. Yet, there are also paths Providence have laid for us, if we could only will ourselves to believe, to see, and to walk the talk. Have faith, someone told me a long time ago. I had to my dismay, disregarded it then. Now I thank the person who had planted the seed of faith in my heart, and I see the beautiful picture he had painted for me. Faith is an inherent power no one can lose. It will always be there waiting, lurking out of sight, until you choose to accept its existence.

I'm a quarter of a century old, yet I feel much time has passed since I have truly lived and remembered myself. The internal fog seems to be clearing, yet knowing me, I'm sure it will be back someday. I seek the will to choose peace in my heart, the wisdom to smile through my troubles, and the courage to embrace my fears. These shall be my new year resolutions for the years to come, for as long as I live.

Third person

This is a poem about her. She is
her parent's daughter, sibling's sister, and lover's lover,
her relative's relative, friends' friend, and bosses' worker.

She is change, as change is defined.
For when every role is shed, they reveal a mirror that reflects
the colour of the sky, of the sea, of the road, of the buildings...
She is all she has to be
but none of who she is.

Her life is a compilation of stories from different genres,
with different writing styles and different character persona;

the author is someone she doesn't know.

You and I

It's funny how the pain fades from time to time, and all I remember is your smile, your smell, and your embrace. I remember your laughter. I remember the sun shining on your face, and the way your hands have guided mine. It's strange how the mind selectively seeks the happier memories and pines for their return. I wish for the days when we were happier, days when all we wish was to be with each other; I wish for them so much that it hurts. I miss the familiarity of having you by my side, how you have always found me in a crowded train, in a crowded street and given me a sense of direction when I was lost. I miss having you to share my surroundings, how nowhere can become somewhere as long as you are there. I miss us ambling under sunny, rainy or starry skies. I miss our crazy bantering, our laughter, and most of all, I miss the lightness of heart that used to pervade our times together.

There are so many memories running through my mind. Beautiful memories of the times when you and I were treading the path as one, sharing dreams, looking forward to a common future, striving hard for a solid foundation upon which the both of us could safely settle. Yet there was also sadness prevailing in the undercurrents of our times together. Sadness that stems from our inability to trust and believe in each other during our difficult times. We shared our joy and laughter, but neglected to be each other's support during our down times. We have given each other our hearts, but haven't taken good care of it. Where we should have offered encouragement and support, we wavered; where we should have forgiven, we became embittered; where we should have repented and relented; we stubbornly defended our pride. Couplehood requires sharing both ups and downs. We failed miserably where it comes to the latter.

How did the bitterness come to overtake your senses? How did I become the embodiment of negativity for you? How did you come to forsake all the good I've ever done?
You, who have never really known me, and I, who could only say I've tried. How could we have deeply loved, and yet cast so much pain, upon each other?

I have loved you, and I still do. Despite it all, what kept me going back to you all those while was my belief in you. I have believed in your willingness to change, in your inherent goodness, in the beauty in your soul. That's why it hurts, it really hurts, to finally find out that you haven't at all believed in mine.

The days ahead seem dismal and incomplete. Travel brochures, christmas carols in the streets, everything, reminds me of our unfurnished plans. Is it the same for you? Why I do feel that you're probably enjoying your times without me now? What should I do... I really don't know.

I need the courage to move on from this hurt. I need to remember that life can get better. I have lived life happily before you came, and I can do it again. My heart is mine to protect.